kthxbai - Avatar

A good friend of mine told me that if this review isn’t funny, he’ll have to kill me. I see no point in putting a great deal of effort into something if I’m just going to be killed for it either way. So, here goes:

This movie is very pretty. The CG effects were masterfully done and the music is stunning. The story left much to be desired.

Imagine someone gave you a present, and it was the most spectacularly packaged and wrapped present you had ever seen. If the wrapping is that great, the present itself must be magnificent! Well, it’s one of those old alphabet blocks.

At least you got cool wrapping paper.

Avatar rating: Borrow it.

kthxbai - Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs

Flint Lockwood could never get anything right--until the day he made it rain cheeseburgers.

Ridiculous? Yes. Hilarious? Very yes.

Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs rating: Buy it!

kthxbai - Dungeons and Dragons

Dungeons and Dragons rating: I weep for humanity

kthxbai - Twilight Rifftrax

Twilight Rifftrax

Even with Rifftrax, this movie is unbearable.

This sums up the Twilight story pretty well:
Bella from Twilight vlog by Paperlillies
Excellent outtake (sort of)



Twilight rating: Avoid it at all possible costs

Twilight Rifftrax rating: Don't bother

kthxbai - UP

Pixar's UP!

The story of Carl Fredrickosn who, in order to avoid retirement, finally lives his childhood dream and flies his house to South America. Russel, junior wilderness explorer, accidentally is brought along and the two begin their own adventure with talking dogs, extraordinary rare birds with an affinity to chocolate, and Carl's childhood hero, who has become obsessed with clearing his name with the scientific community.

This movie is a delight! The characters have real depth. The colors are bright and vibrant. The story is most enjoyable and it is not at all difficult to maintain a willing suspension of disbelief.

Pixar's UP! rating: buy it!

kthxbai - Ella Enchanted

For those of you who are unfamiliar with lol, the title is pronounced "k thanks bye".

Welcome to the movie review section of The Life and Times!

Ella Enchanted is by far the most schizophrenic film I have ever seen. It has elements of a fairy tale; a social commentary; Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon; Snakes on a Plane; and an 80's music video.

I had seen the previews and was prepared for something completely different from the book. I had heard from a friend that Ella Enchanted is a good movie with a cute story, if one can reconcile oneself to the fact that it is not Gail Carson Levine's award-winning story.

I sincerely wish I could remember who that friend was. I have good reason to question their judgment.

Ella Enchanted is the story of a young woman who was cursed at birth with the "gift of obedience." Anything that she is told to do, she does, no matter how impossible, or improbable.

The movie is fast-paced, zipping through the story so quickly that the audience never really gets to know the characters. They certainly don't have time to develop enough of a relationship with the characters to care about the final outcome of the film.

Ella Enchanted is blessed with one of the most widely-recognized characters in existence, however: the absentee villain. An absentee villain never really does anything at any point in the movie and interacts almost not at all with the protagonist. Also, the absentee villain has only one purpose--to be evil. Anyone who has seen the movie will agree that this is a fitting description for the king and his manipulative talking snake.

Obviously suffering an identity crisis and peppered with crude humor, the movie Ella Enchanted has none of the charm of the story on which it is based.

Ella Enchanted rating: Don't bother

Weekend Mayhem #2

Still some weeks ago, but not so many as weekend mayhem #1, I had my first blind date ever.

I had just started work a few days before when my manager, who I had no idea at the time was my manager, asked me to step into his office for a moment. He began with the disclaimer that his wife had "put [him] up to this" and instantly I remembered that he had mentioned having a 26-year-old, unmarried son. Sure enough, my boss started talking about this son. He was coming into town to visit for the long weekend and I was invited to have lunch with the family somewhere on Saturday. My mind was racing for a polite way out of it, but I couldn't think of one, so I said sure, and I'd be glad to.

The plan was that I would meet them somewhere for pizza on Saturday. My manager said that either he would call or his son would to give me the details once they were figured out. Saturday came and went with no word from either of them and I felt quite happy to have gotten out of an awkward situation so easily.

On Sunday when I got home from church, I discovered that my manager had called while I was gone. In the message, he invited me over to his family's house to join a large family gathering. Consider, for a moment, how you would feel at a large family celebration for a blind date with the son of someone you work with. I didn't return the call.

Monday was a holiday, and sure enough, I got a call from the son about lunch. We talked for a little while on the phone about this and that and he told me when he would pick me up.

This is where things started to get especially weird. He came and picked me up, normal. We started to drive into town, also normal. I asked what we were having for lunch, typical. The answer was KFC. We weren't driving to KFC. I asked about it and from his response, I concluded that we were going to meet the rest of the family at my manager's house and then go to lunch, which was reasonable, but unfortunately was not the case.

We were having lunch at my manager's house. That was weird.

The lad introduced me to the family members that were at the house and showed me some of the improvements his father had made. The tile was really nice, but the house was not to code and the crown moulding and trim were not very well done. Yes, I'm the sort of geek who notices these things. Don't worry, I didn't say anything about it.

It was not long before the rest of the family arrived with KFC takeout. Apparently, this family is civilized and does not eat fried chicken with their bare hands, so I struggled in silence to manage with a fork and knife. Lunch was enjoyable, if slightly awkward, but I was still quite glad to go home when it was over.

It didn't happen that way. The boy's mother suggested we play a game, and he fully supported the idea, so we started to play Catch Phrase. He was impressed with the trivia I knew. Afterward we played GuitarHero.

Finally, I decided he wasn't going to take a hint and I asked to be taken home, on the grounds that my dad was flying out of town that afternoon and I didn't want to miss him.

When we got back to my house, the boy asked to see my dog, whom I had mentioned during lunch. He didn't leave for an hour after that.

Even with how awkward the date was, it might not have mattered had the lad been, well, completely different. As we talked on the way back to my house, I learned that this 26-year old boy worked at Walmart, had never gone to college, and had no idea what he wanted to do with his life. Plus, he hunts, has a goatee, and has never heard of Fred Astaire.